Carlos Fuentes, the Mexican novelist, once said "I know of no other intellectual who is so clear-minded with a capacity to link, to connect, to relate. She is unique."
Today, every newspaper unfortunately mentions the death of Susan Sontag. You like her books or not, for sure she has been an outlier. She was courageous to object and criticise USA policies.
Discovering these outstanding minds and souls togather both in a body is exciting.
Happy Hope'less'ness
It has been a tough week. Last week, almost every night I was out for one or another reason. I have found myself at Taksim at the end with different groups of friends and within different contexts. On the other hand, as some of you may already know; I always try to be a good householder. I pay attention to being tidy, clean and ready for having guests anytime. So, last week challenged me. I was busy at work. I had outdoors city activities and meanwhile I have runned home-related tasks.
None of them hit me as much a realizing that I am in love with another man after many years dedication to a single soul. (Selmin and Emrah definitely knows what I am talking about!!!)
I have already achieved to cut my soul-connection with him 2 years before. So that I am not even disturbed with his engagement news on the weekend. Se la vie...
The wall I hit this time is called with another name luckily... I know him already. I do not know him exactly. But it does not matter... To the guy I am in love, I have no rational access. Thus, that must be the reason that I am in love with him. I like puzzling things and conflicts. Once I slightly got close to start PhD on conflict-resolution. Anyway, I like conflicting issues. I do not like simple things unfortunately. One of the cleverest intellectual guys told me once that "Do u have to intellectualize anything you are interested ?" that's my problem.
I do not feel complete if I cannot deepen it.
Well, let me tell you the obstacles which make it impossible and unsolvable for me to be with him. He has a girlfriend that he loves. She is away and he is loyal. The end of the story is obvious. But I cannot stop myself being interested. Se la vie, Se la amour...
Hopeless situation in return which makes it more attractive then he is.
After all, the only good thing about the whole situation that I can feel it again for anyone else!
to be continued...
..sorry for her, for him, sorry for all...
I have had lots on my mind on the weekend. However, with the news of disaster; everything drew back on my self agenda and this destructing trouble kept me in front of the TV for hours.
Today, I had got other bad news too. One of my friends lost her boyfriend. He died in her arms. She tries to survive; it will take her some time to normalize.
One of my other friends broke up with his girlfriend with whom he has been in love for months. They work at the same office. They had to meet evey single day.
None of these is worse then other personal or global... they all cummulated and made me upset today. During the day I have deeply felt an ache moving in my body form my head to stomach and back the way up. I feel the pain ...
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.
... what if I do not want to be skilfull anymore... it is really obsessive to be skilful and successful. it is because of being result-oriented rather than the process itself. the output is more valued by others, while the process is by you. If we do not care for the others and social perception etc. why are we so obssessed with the outputs.. it could be to an extent for the sake of ourselves. I am tired of trying harder and harder for anything. life makes you inevitably skillful. what if I do not want anymore...
I do not claim that life should be easier but it could just be simplier. I am aware that I personally have an intention to complexify everything. I could not retain myself deepening them. I am instilling to myself that I could simplfy my way of perception, consequently things will go on simplier...
I want to sail on smooth seas... I cannot smoothen the sea but I can navigate the boat to an other road, if it is not drawn already.
In principle I quit computuring on the weekends; even not for emails, dvds, etc. so see till monday. byebye. I will be around Istanbul on the weekend.
NEW! at net-world
I have been used to avoiding anything about the net.
However, the world in here gets u sooner or later. This inevitable convergence paves the way to compromise rather than resistance.
